# Too Attached?



## dextersmom (Oct 29, 2013)

So, it's no secret that Dexter prefers my husband. They are definitely BFF's! But Dex is starting to get a little too attached. He's fine if my husband (or for that matter, myself) leaves when he is crated. But if Dexter is home with me and loose in the house, or outside in the yard, etc. and my husband leaves, he throws a fit. Lots of crying, jumping, etc. The only thing I've found that works well so far is teaching him to run to the window after he leaves, so he can watch him get in the car and drive away. Then he's over it for the most part. He doesn't get upset for very long, but it happens EVERY time and I want to make sure it doesn't worsen.

A couple things I'm hoping will help...

Having my husband practice leaving the room for short intervals while he's home and not coming back until Dex has stopped crying. 

Not having a "party" every time he gets home from work, in from outside, etc. 

Both of those are things I've worked on, but my husband has never really done (he didn't have to do the crate training!!). 

Any other suggestions for ways to work on this? Assuming my husband will actually try them, as that's half the battle. I think he secretly loves that he makes a fuss over him leaving...


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## MeandMy3 (Feb 27, 2013)

Hi,

My husband works out of town so comes home every Friday around dinner time and leaves every Sunday evening around 7 or 8pm. About two hours before he usually leaves, our oldest dog starts moping, whining, and just being a pain. After he leaves, she is horrible. She cries and howls. I have found that if I distract her with a walk or by playing in the yard with her favorite toy, she "recovers" faster. 

Good luck!


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## trevor1000 (Sep 20, 2013)

Bacchus is the same.
I can't even go to another room without him following
If he sees me when I leave he scratches the door and wines but eventually gets over it.
I thought I'd outsmart him and sneak out, had my 2 girls distract him with something.
Once he found out I was gone he had to search every room a few times upstairs and downstairs. lol 
Then any small noise and he was at the door thinking it was me.
My wife said it was worse when he didn't see me leave.
I don't think they will change too much once they are attached.
It would seem it takes them about the same time to attach to us as we do to them!


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## dextersmom (Oct 29, 2013)

Trevor1000 said:


> Once he found out I was gone he had to search every room a few times upstairs and downstairs. lol
> 
> It would seem it takes them about the same time to attach to us as we do to them!


Yup, that's a daily occurrence at our house! He gets over it pretty quickly (more so if he sees him drive away) but I don't like that he gets so upset about it. He'll refuse to go for a walk if he thinks my husband is still in the house, won't get into the car if my husband goes to the mailbox instead of getting in with us, etc. Distractions haven't helped other than proving to him that my husband has really left (by watching the window, going outside to check the yard, checking out each room). Oh well!

My husband always jokes that he suffers more from the separation anxiety than Dex does... which is certainly true!


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## tknafox2 (Apr 2, 2013)

I know this sounds crazy, and you will all think I am a loony dog mom, but I swear it works. 
Talk to them...Tell them what is coming, what to expect, tell them you are leaving and will " be right back" or "Be gone till dinner" etc. 
Also be sure to give them the job of house sitting... Tell them they must watch the house, or take care of Dad, or in My case, the other dog. If you are going away for a couple days tell them how many nights/darks, so they are prepared.
Don't laugh...I have done this with all my dogs and you can see the difference. 
If I tell the dogs I'm leaving, you can see them settle, go find something else to do, or sit on the stairs and watch me go, but they don't pester me to get out the door, or come along, jump, cry, etc. But if I ask them if they would like to come, they are all excited with nose pressed to the door.

I would suggest your hubby, tell Dexter he is leaving, that he needs to be a good dog and take care of mom and the house, and that he will be back at dinner time...


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## MCD (May 4, 2013)

I went to visit my sister in Vancouver in February for 4 days. Even though my husband and daughter were home Dharma went ballistic and would not settle. She just constantly looked for me. Now sometimes I find it hard to leave her in someone else's care even if it is family and I know I need to get away.


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## tknafox2 (Apr 2, 2013)

My weimaraner was like that, MCD, She would not rest until I was home, every noise, or car door sent her to the garage door waiting for me to come in. She would not even drink water, or eat her food if we left her home alone. She was a piece of work... but once I started having these briefings with her she was much better, not perfect, but at least she would just settle in and go to sleep if I didn't come home by bed time. I know that Vizsla's can be worse, but Weimy's too have a bit of a separation problem. It is really funny, My V Foxy didn't have a problem, nor does Fergy, but they both have had an older dogs to keep them company and give them security.
My dogs are always soo happy to greet me when I come home... but they know I often bring them a special treat!


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## jld640 (Sep 29, 2010)

tknafox2 - I know it sounds crazy, but it works. I do that with Savannah and it does make a difference.


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## BFrancs (Aug 8, 2013)

Ditto. I do the same thing every time I leave the house. I say "Okay Puppies i'm leaving, love you, see you later, be good" long enough to walk downstairs to the garage and then they hear the garage door open. they know the garage door is the noise that someone is coming home or leave the house. It works for us. I think it does prepare them knowing we are leaving the house for a couple hours. My husband doesn't do the long saying, I think his is just "okay, bye".....such a guy LOL. You should try it.

Good Luck!


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## MCD (May 4, 2013)

I give Dharma a good bye kiss and tell her to be good. She stands at the window and watches me leave. My daughter is going to work out of town this summer again and my husband is doing 2 weeks of night shift and 2 weeks of day shift while I have my normal 11:00 Am- 7:30 Pm or so shift. We will have to use the crate a lot more this summer than we have in the past. This should prove to be interesting...........


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## dextersmom (Oct 29, 2013)

@tknafox - I will totally try it! I blow him a kiss every morning and say goodbye before I leave for work, but my husband doesn't really have a routine. I'm sure that would help Dexter realize what's going on and hopefully keep him from stressing about it. I usually tell him what walker is coming that day, which one of us will be home first, etc. and all that too! 

Funnily enough, my husband was just out hiking with a friend and his dog, and the friend commented on how he talks to Dexter like he's a person. Our reaction was... "You mean that's not normal?!"  I'm always asking him things like how his day was at daycare, lol.


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## BFrancs (Aug 8, 2013)

Another thing I noticed is Roxxy goes crazy over me leave while Hunter could care less and vice-versa. Hunter goes ballistic if it has anything to do with my husband, he LOVES him to death, just like your husband, Stan LOVES that Hunter goes crazy over him and encourages it too.


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## KB87 (Jan 30, 2012)

tknafox2 said:


> I know this sounds crazy, and you will all think I am a loony dog mom, but I swear it works.
> Talk to them...Tell them what is coming, what to expect, tell them you are leaving and will " be right back" or "Be gone till dinner" etc.


Every time I leave my boy I tell him when I'll be home or when someone else will be home. The other day my husband put him in the crate without telling him the day's events and I asked him to go back upstairs, tell him where he was going/when he would be home and then leave. He thinks I'm a nut job. But honestly, I think it gives him a sense of reassurance and I leave him on a happy tone. Today I even told him that we were having a landscaping company come to mow the lawn for the first time and it was OK for them to be there. Maybe I am crazy haha

If your pup is having a hard time with someone leaving, I think distracting them after the event is the best bet. Immediately play with them or offer a stuff kong to make it a positive thing. Eventually they will fall into a habit where the fits slow down and they go with the flow a bit more.


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## mlwindc (Feb 8, 2013)

We have a walker who comes and picks Wilson up for playdates on weekdays when both my husband and myself have to work full days at home. I always say "don't worry baby, Julie will come get you" when I leave. Same words, every time. I like to think that helps. =)


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## tknafox2 (Apr 2, 2013)

[email protected] I think you have a good point... "Same words every time" Even if what we say sounds like "blah blah blah"... the tone, and inflections will be recognizable and then they can relate your words to the action, It becomes a learning sequence. I have said in previous threads, my Weimaraner had a huge vocabulary...not as good as "Skidboots" but I know she knew our words for what they were, and she demonstrated her knowledge by her actions. Just like dogs that know their "Ball" from their "Kong" or "Frisbee" etc. I can only believe it is word recognition, no different from "sit,stay,come, whoa, down,etc. They know what we are saying...so they obviously under stand us.


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## mlwindc (Feb 8, 2013)

That was my hope! Wilson definitely knows "dad" or "daddy" and "Thomas" and "mom." Also, all his other words like "kennel up" sit down stay heel... So I thought there was no reason why he shouldn't know Julie or my reassurance that Julie is coming. 

I really love these dogs... We all do to spend this much time thinking about how we reassure them!


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