# Afraid of being left alone with roommates



## redrover (Mar 17, 2011)

Jasper has a new behavior that's probably separation-induced. It's a very particular behavior, so forgive me for the long post.

The short story is that he doesn't like being left home alone with my roommates. This is VERY specific to them and to our house. When I am home, he adores them and loves to be around them. When I am not home, he sits in a corner or under the kitchen table most of the time and in general acts very sad, even though he likes my roommates and one of their dogs is his favorite playmates. When I come back home, it's like a switch is flipped and he acts all cuddly with them again.

He does not do this anywhere else with other people. I've left him home alone with my mother before when we've visited her house, and she said he's fine. He watches me leave out the door, then just goes about his business. Drinks, naps, gets in her way. We've been at friends' houses and I've run out to grab ice or snacks or something, and again he's totally fine. This occurs ONLY at our home with my roommates. Note that I have not tested leaving him alone with other people in our house, or leaving him alone with my roommates at another house.

My guess is that this is our house-specific. That maybe he thinks he's in trouble or been abandoned or who knows what when I leave our home? I'm thinking it wouldn't matter who he was left home alone with. I know that if no one is in the house, he cannot be left outside the crate when I leave, because it upsets him. His crate is his safe space and he knows when he's in there that I'm going to be coming home. I assume being left outside the crate is a different scenario all together, and who knows if I'll ever be home? Even though obviously I've never NOT come home, so...

When we first moved in together, he could be left out with my roommates without any trouble. I'd come home to find him sprawled out on the couch with them. It's only in the past couple of months that he seems upset by it. Seriously, my roommate thought she lost him once because he was so quiet and small hidden under the kitchen table. The answer to the obvious question is no, they don't mistreat him. They spoil him nearly as much as I do (and I spoil their dogs too). They've worked on some training with him, they've fed him, they let him out, and sometimes he's even slept with them when I'm not home. I recognize that maybe something happened that I didn't notice, but there was never any obviously bad thing that I could see traumatizing him about me leaving him alone with them. 

Anyway. Any insight? Crating him while the other dogs are not crated is difficult, since his playmate won't stop trying to break him out of jail, and they say he mopes in the crate too (he doesn't normally mope in his crate). They've tried playing "Push the Puppy!" which is a game that lets Jasper know it's happy time, they've given him delicious treats, they've ignored him, and they've tried a couple of other things. Sometimes he'll break out of his funk and play, other times he'll hide all day long. It's super weird, and I hate to see him mentally upset like that.


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## mlwindc (Feb 8, 2013)

I'm no expert, but perhaps he does feel left out or abandoned. He must know that he belongs with you and that when you are not there, he feels abandoned because the other dogs have their humans with them. I'm constantly amazed at how much my V picks up on things. At less than 7 months, he won't follow anyone up stairs except myself or my husband. My son can be dangling a cheese stick and begging him to go upstairs with him, but Wilson won't. He just looks at us and stays with us. We have never disciplined him for following our son upstairs, but he just seems to want to stay downstairs with us -- his "parents."


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## redrover (Mar 17, 2011)

So...it turns out my roommates were just misreading him. They showed me some video, and we talked about it more.  He's learned that they're not quite as cuddly with him as I am--for example, he'll want to be on the bed while she's studying, but she's got stuff spread out so he can't be up there--and so he ends up hanging out other places in the house instead. Mostly the kitchen--and it's not so much that he's "hiding" under the kitchen table anymore. Rather, that's the easiest place for him to look out a window! And apparently he just sometimes needs a break from playing with the other dog. As for the mopey-ness...a lot of it is just that he's not quite as interested in them as he used to be so he's just relaxing on his own (his relaxed face also looks like his sad face), and in other instances I think he's being pathetic on purpose. He's really good at that. Knows it gets him lots of sympathy and extra treats!

Today he apparently was just cuddling with the foster dog in one of their crates while I was gone and they were home. So I think there might have just been a little exaggeration! I guess I'd rather them worry about him more than less, though!


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## jld640 (Sep 29, 2010)

Good news! Also good that your roommates are willing to watch, worry, and talk to you about what they see.


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## Nelly (Feb 7, 2013)

Brilliant news, glad it was just a misread and he's really just being a dude when you're not there. I know what you mean about the relaxed/sad look!


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