# Oso the Bully



## luv2laugh (Oct 6, 2011)

Our new place has a yard and a pool and we've finally been able to arrange a doggy play date with a new balanced dog that we met. 

Yesterday, a neighbor's dog came over - a strong, muscular boxer named Thor. Both dogs were male, both unneutered and around 2 years old. Thor was a sweetie and *Oso was an absolute bully*. It was really difficult for us to watch. They played together and neither dog was in danger, but Oso was a brat. 

ex: We threw the toy in the pool, Thor would jump in and get it and then Oso would swim in from the steps growl and take it from the very submissive Thor. Thor looked happy enough with the arrangement, but this happened EVERY single time until my husband came into the pool and started holding Oso off until Thor got out of the pool and dropped it. 

NOTE: Thor looked happy the whole time. He has a long tail and never did it go in between his legs or did he show signs of being upset. He just happily submitted.

Oso also growled at my brother's dogs when they jumped in the pool at their visit about a month ago. Oso wasn't actually aggressive, but he wasn't a likeable dog, that's to be sure. When playing tug-a-war with Thor, my husband would tell Oso to drop it and he would. Then they could resume, he just wanted to make sure, Oso wasn't getting too toy aggressive.

Before I was pregnant, I took Oso to the dog park on a regular basis and Oso was very well socialized. I've been to the dog park maybe once recently with him and Oso behaved well. My husband doesn't take him to the dog park or arrange other types of socialization. They've done a lot of walking and running together the last 8 months while I've been pregnant. 

My questions
- Could I trust Oso to not be a complete brat at a doggy daycare? (he was always so well mannered during play with dogs big and small before, now I have no idea what he is.)
- What is our role here to help him take turns dominating and submitting (the best type of play in my opinion) How can we help him not to dominate so much?
- In your experience, does this have to do with him playing at HIS house versus a shared place, his age, or just lack of socialization?


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## MeandMy3 (Feb 27, 2013)

I'm so glad I am not the only one with a bully. We have two labs (3 and almost 2) and our little V, Bristol is 8 months. My great-aunt is staying with us long term and has a schnauzer who is about 6. Add people and cats, and we have our own little zoo. Everyone lives fairly peacefully, unless the schnauzer has something that Bristol wants. She will get right in his face and bark. The other day, that didn't do the trick. He refused to drop his rawhide for her. She circled him and barked some more, all to no avail. Finally, the little lightbulb went off over her head and she climbed up in the recliner. She waited patiently until the schnauzer walked by with the rawhide in his mouth and pounced right on top of him! She won. He dropped the rawhide for her. 

I am a firm believer in letting the dogs create their own pack rules as long as nobody is getting hurt, and they all still realize my husband, my auntie, and I are the leaders. However, she can just take it to extremes sometimes. She has an only child personality.  We do correct her when she gets clearly out of control. 

I will watch this post for replies in hopes they can help me as well.


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## texasred (Jan 29, 2012)

Your bringing the other dog into Oso territory.
He may respond differently if the playtime was on neutral ground.


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## luv2laugh (Oct 6, 2011)

Meandmy3 - It definitely feels like an only child type syndrome with Oso too. :-\

I am torn between wanting to let the dogs just sort it out (which they did, Oso was a bully and the other dog relented happily) and between wanting to teach Oso some manners. My thoughts are on the side of manners - taking turns dominating and submitting - as this bully behavior will get in the way of Oso being able to experience playdates in the future and may prevent us from taking him to others' houses (if it happens there too).


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## MCD (May 4, 2013)

The puppy is the newbie in the house. She doesn't realize this and thinks she can boss the alpha cat around. She has stolen her toys and has changed the behavior of the cat. Talk about bullying! I guess our pack is still figuring out order and territory. This is going to get better as time goes on and Dharma gets bigger I hope.


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## MeandMy3 (Feb 27, 2013)

Maybe the next play date can be at someone else's house. 

Bristol hasn't bullied anybody else's dog yet - just this schnauzer. She will bark at the labs to get what she wants, but they correct her and she will stop. She isn't an only child, but she SURE acts like one!!!


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## lonestar (Jun 2, 2013)

I'm with MeandMy3 on this.

Dogs relate thru complex social interactions around dominance and submission, and your Oso is just being himself. And it sounds like Thor is accepting it. The issue isn't bullying, it's doggie speak: Oso's house, his pool, his toys, his family. The next step is for Oso to get Thor's message that he accepts Oso's dominance. If that doesnt happen, then you need to intervene.


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## luv2laugh (Oct 6, 2011)

UPDATE: We had another doggy play date yesterday with a Boston Terrier from down the street.

Oso was the perfect gentleman. They played tug-a-war and chase and didn't go in the pool at all. There was growling only during tug-a-war and it wasn't for the other dog to let go. In fact, since Oso was bigger, he had to be gentle so that he didn't immediately yank it from the other dog.

I'm not sure what the difference is (maybe because they didn't go in the pool, maybe because the dog was smaller than Oso or neutered), we'll keep an eye on it. The whole thing made me feel much better.


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I read your responses from before out loud to my husband and we talked about them. Even though Oso and Thor were just communicating in doggy language (and maybe it's ok in the doggy world), his behavior wasn't ok in the human world he's a part of. We can't have Oso acting like a bully all the time when we go to other people's houses or when they come here. Maybe if everyone was ok with it, it would be no problem. But that's not the case and Oso's ability to interact with others would be restricted. When Oso, is a gentleman (like yesterday), we can sit back and relax during the doggy interactions. When he is being possessive or bully 'ish we need to be on constant guard. I think actually having more playdates with Thor will be helpful. Oso learned to be respectful of our cats by us feeding them first and reinforcing Oso for positive behaviors. I think we will train him the same way we did with other things. Ex: When Thor jumps in the pool and retrieves the toy, Oso will be put in a stay. He will be treated for staying until Thor swims all the way out of the water and gives my husband the toy. He will be rewarded for dropping the toy (whenever) and will be put on "time out" for behavior we can't control. I think we need to shift the emphasis from controlling Thor to listening to us. He can't be dominant, because we are. Does that make sense? Anyways thank you for your responses!! They made us feel better even though we decided to try to train him out of this behavior.


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## FLgatorgirl (Mar 11, 2013)

luv2laugh, I have been watching with interest because our Ellie is sometimes having similar issues during playdates. She mostly acts like a brat with a male that she has been playing with almost daily since they were 3 months old. I think she knows she can get away with it since he is like a brother and puts up with her random attitude and always submits. She tried getting possessive with a stick last week with another (older) male that she knows well and he gently but firmly backed her down and then it was over and she did not try again. I feel like she is in a major testing boundaries phase with other dogs as she got bossy at playdate with a male V yesterday and he did nothing. There is an older female golden retriever next door and Ellie would never try any of this nonsense with her! 

Luckily all of the other owners have not had issue with any of her behavior. I do keep a watch out and if I feel she starts getting too obnoxious she gets leashed up and into timeout.


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