# Frustrated Mom & confused Dad



## VizslaNewbies (Jun 10, 2011)

I wouldn't say this is a behavioral issue but I feel bad for my GF when she is trying to play and train Dax. On a regular basis, I spend more time with Dax due to work schedule; on average I probably spend about 6 hours [give or take] more with him then Mom. And I mean 1 on 1 time, as both of us are either working earlier or later so Dax doesn't have time with us together except for the evenings for a couple hours.

Ive noticed for a couple weeks now that Dax has been very responsive and obedient with me. At first I thought it was just some sort of 'phase' and the whole 'Daddy' figure. Then I kind of started thinking it's perhaps I'm spending those extra couple hours alone with him when Mom isn't around.

Now with regards to behavior, Dax doesn't behave negatively when Mom is around. It just seems that when Dax sees Mommy, he goes into this behavior where he is just not fully responsive to her and she also tells me that Dax' non responsiveness gets bigger when I'm not there. And to be honest, its like day and night with how my GF describe how Dax is when he's alone with her.

When Dax is with me, he's calm and knows the rules of not jumping onto the counter and not jumping onto the sofa unless I say so. I can even leave the room for a couple minutes and I come back and nothings been tampered [from what I can see, heheheh]. 

When he's with Mom he's a U-Turn of Hyperactive Craziness and I dont know why. We also make sure Dax gets his walk and his free leash time/play time every day. Be it with me or my GF.

When were together, Dax can't seem to handle when Mom and Dad are in the same room; its as if he has an immedeate on and off switch depending on who is talking to him. For example, Mom would say Sit and he won't respond till her tone gets frustrated or she repeats it 3-4 times on the other hands for me, Dax would respond on que and follow forward with 'staying' and 'down' -

I'm totally baffeled and could use a clear explanation as to why this is and if there's an advice of what we can do???


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## threefsh (Apr 25, 2011)

It sounds like he respects you more as the authority figure and your GF has some serious work to do!

My hubby and I had the opposite problem. Riley was much more responsive with me and more obedient. She's better now, but I had to make a concerted effort to have HIM do much more training. Also, I've started having him feed her and that seems to have helped. He tends not to be as firm with her as I am, so we've had to work on that a lot. I'd have your GF take a video of what happens when you're gone and see how she reacts to his attitude. I'm guessing he KNOWS he can get away with it, otherwise he wouldn't be acting up.


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## VizslaNewbies (Jun 10, 2011)

Yeah, we've started initiating a couple changes this week to see if it'll help but I guess only time will tell. My GF has control of his food, and I make sure to not acknowledge him as much and have my GF take the authority control - which seems to not work out so well because I've seen her crack so many times.... he has mastered the puppy eyes look on my GF - it's funny right now but we both know this will have to be changed. 

Also, it seems Dax has a case of seperation anxiety when Mom isn't around the room? I noticed it last week but when Mom leaves the room and he can't find me I can hear him whimpering like in a panic - last night I was in the bathroom and I heard my GF leave the room away from Dax for a momment and the kiddo barked... but it was like 'panic' bark because Mommy wasn't there.

As I said, when I'm alone with him I can leave him freely and he'll be alright. Mind you he's gotten used to me being gone 5-10 minutes at a time...

I def think it's because he knows he can get away with it with my Mom then me and it does make sense to the behavior too... hmm..


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## redbirddog (Apr 23, 2010)

http://redbirddog.blogspot.com/2009/06/importance-of-mastering-art-of-walk.html

Still one of my favorite posts regarding how to establish a leader relationship. Do more on-leash walks with your GF in control. 1/2 hour on-leash walk minimum, 1 hour better. Pup not allowed to get away with anything. Calm and assertive. Every move starts with a command. "Dax, heel." Dax, wait." "Dax, easy." "Dax, wait." 
Once home, GF feeds all meals.

Repeat every day for two weeks. Keep off-leash walks to a minimum for this period.

Don't know if this will work for your situation in reality, but it does work in theory.

Good trainning and good luck.

RBD


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## VizslaNewbies (Jun 10, 2011)

redbirddog said:


> http://redbirddog.blogspot.com/2009/06/importance-of-mastering-art-of-walk.html
> 
> Still one of my favorite posts regarding how to establish a leader relationship. Do more on-leash walks with your GF in control. 1/2 hour on-leash walk minimum, 1 hour better. Pup not allowed to get away with anything. Calm and assertive. Every move starts with a command. "Dax, heel." Dax, wait." "Dax, easy." "Dax, wait."
> Once home, GF feeds all meals.
> ...


Ive actually read through some of your stuff RBD and bookmarked that page when we first started out with Dax. However my main concern is and I'm not even sure it's true but I heard that Dogs only respond to 'one' leader and not 'two. Is this true?


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## redbirddog (Apr 23, 2010)

> ...However my main concern is and I'm not even sure it's true but I heard that Dogs only respond to 'one' leader and not 'two. Is this true?


"Dr. Frank Beach performed a 30-year study on dogs at Yale and UC Berkeley. Nineteen years of the study was devoted to social behavior of a dog pack. (Not a wolf pack. A DOG pack.) Some of his findings:

1. Male dogs have a rigid hierarchy.
2. Female dogs have a hierarchy, but it's more variable.
3. When you mix the sexes, the rules get mixed up. Males try to follow their constitution, but the females have "amendments."
4. Young puppies have what's called "puppy license." Basically, that license to do most anything. Bitches are more tolerant of puppy license than males are.
5. The puppy license is revoked at approximately four months of age. At that time, the older middle-ranked dogs literally give the puppy **** -- psychologically torturing it until it offers all of the appropriate appeasement behaviors and takes its place at the bottom of the social hierarchy. The top-ranked dogs ignore the whole thing.
There is NO physical domination. Everything is accomplished through psychological harassment. It's all ritualistic.
6. A small minority of "alpha" dogs assumed their position by bullying and force. Those that did were quickly deposed. No one likes a dictator.
7. The vast majority of alpha dogs rule benevolently. They are confident in their position. They do not stoop to squabbling to prove their point. To do so would lower their status because...
8. Middle-ranked animals squabble. They are insecure in their positions and want to advance over other middle-ranked animals.
9. Low-ranked animals do not squabble. They know they would lose. They know their position, and they accept it.
10. "Alpha" does not mean physically dominant. It means "in control of resources." Many, many alpha dogs are too small or too physically frail to physically dominate. But they have earned the right to control the valued resources. An individual dog determines which resources he considers important. Thus an alpha dog may give up a prime sleeping place because he simply couldn't care less.

So what does this mean for the dog-human relationship?

*Using physical force of any kind reduces your "rank." Only middle-ranked animals insecure in their place squabble.*

*To be "alpha," control the resources. I don't mean hokey stuff like not allowing dogs on beds or preceding them through doorways. I mean making resources contingent on behavior.* 

Does the dog want to be fed. Great -- ask him to sit first. Does the dog want to go outside? Sit first. Dog want to greet people? Sit first. Want to play a game? Sit first. Or whatever. If you are proactive enough to control the things your dogs want, *you* are alpha by definition.

Train your dog. This is the dog-human equivalent of the "revoking of puppy license" phase in dog development. Children, women, elderly people, handicapped people -- all are capable of training a dog. Very few people are capable of physical domination.

Reward deferential behavior, rather than pushy behavior. I have two dogs. If one pushes in front of the other, the other gets the attention, the food, whatever the first dog wanted. The first dog to sit gets treated. Pulling on lead goes nowhere. Doors don't open until dogs are seated and I say they may go out. Reward pushy, and you get pushy.

Your job is to be a leader, not a boss, not a dictator. Leadership is a huge responsibility. Your job is to provide for all of your dog's needs... food, water, vet care, social needs, security, etc. If you fail to provide what your dog needs, your dog will try to satisfy those needs on his own."

Whole article:

http://redbirddog.blogspot.com/2009/12/history-and-misconceptions-of-dominance.html

Hope that helps.

RBD


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## Mischa (Feb 17, 2010)

VizslaNewbies said:


> However my main concern is and I'm not even sure it's true but I heard that Dogs only respond to 'one' leader and not 'two. Is this true?


Nope.

RBD gave some great advice. 
Your g/f needs to take on a role as his leader. If she lets him get away with things, he learns how to get away with things. He'll be both of your best buds once he's trained. He'll be a nightmare if he is not.
He is a dog, not a child. She probably feels bad disciplining him because he has that sad sad face on. 
His feelings won't be hurt. He needs rules. He needs people to enforce those rules for him to be a happy dog. 

Discipline does not have to be mean. It has to be firm and consistent. 
Her repeating commands 3 times to get him to do something should stop. She says sit, and if he doesn't, she should put her hand on his butt until he sits. It doesn't have to be a heavy push, she just has to put her hand there and once he does sit, huge praise and a treat right away. 
If this doesn't work, put the leash on him and pull straight up. Same deal, as soon as he does it, praise/treat!

The time to fix this stuff is now. Feel free to ask any more specifics.


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## jld640 (Sep 29, 2010)

As a train the trainer thing - tell your GF to lower the pitch (not the volume) of her voice whenever she gives a command. If she is no longer using her everyday speaking voice, she may pay more attention to giving a command once for the expected behavior. Your V may have an easier time distinguishing her command from her everyday talking, too.

Good luck!


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